i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
