So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize