What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
