She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
