how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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