I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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