Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
