either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
