I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
