she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
false alarm. still invincible.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize