Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
