he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
