I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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