the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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