doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
