before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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