3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
