I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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