so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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