he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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