I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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