I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
