just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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