is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
