I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
