I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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