Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
