You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
