I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
