Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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