i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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