hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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