just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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