If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
