he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
