can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
