I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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