Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
MIDGETS
????
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need water and some morals
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
