i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
