Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
