eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize