you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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