I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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