This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
