Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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