last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm passing your future prison.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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