i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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