She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
