Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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