So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
