Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
