I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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