Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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