you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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