its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
