So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
