I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize