i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
