Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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