Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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