I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm too high and old for this...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize