haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
