Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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