Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
