its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
