so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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