using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
