it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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