So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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