1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
