i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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