i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
