Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
