Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
